Sounds from A Night at the Opera - featuring Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Claypool

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		Waiter: Paging Mr. Driftwood! Mr. Driftwood! ... Mr. Driftwood! ... Mr. Driftwood! Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Boy, will you do me a favour and stop yelling my name all over this restaurant? Do I go around yelling your name? Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Mr. Driftwood! Driftwood: Say, is your voice changing or is somebody else paging me around here? 136K
		The above, plus the following! Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Driftwood! Driftwood: Why, Mrs. Claypool! Hello! Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Driftwood, you invited me to dine with you at 7:00. It is now 8:00 and no dinner! Driftwood: What do you mean 'no dinner'? I just had one of the biggest meals I ever ate in my life, and no thanks to you, either. Mrs. Claypool: I've been sitting right here since 7:00. Driftwood: Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. Waiter: Your cheque, sir. Driftwood: Nine dollars and forty cents! This is an outrage! If I were you I wouldn't pay it.

		Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Driftwood, three months ago you promised to put me into society. In all that time, you've done nothing but draw a very handsome salary. Driftwood: You think that's nothing, huh? How many men do you suppose are drawing a handsome salary nowadays? 96K
		Driftwood: Why I can count them on the fingers of one hand, my good woman! Mrs. Claypool: I'm not your good woman! Driftwood: Don't say that, Mrs. Claypool. I don't care what your past has been. 59K
		All of the routine above, in Real Audio, plus the following! Mrs. Claypool: It's rather difficult to believe that when I find you dining with another woman! Driftwood: That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? She reminded me of you! Mrs. Claypool: Really? Driftwood: Of course! That's why I'm sitting here with you - because you remind me of you! Your eyes! Your throat! Your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you! Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good...

		Driftwood: You see that man over there eating spaghetti? Mrs. Claypool: No... Driftwood: Well, you see the spaghetti, don't ya? 34K
		Driftwood: Now behind that spaghetti is none other than Herman Gottlieb - director of the New York Opera Company. Do you follow me? Mrs. Claypool: Yes... Driftwood: Well stop following me or I'll have ya arrested! 70K
		Driftwood: Now I've arranged for you to invest $200,000 in the New York Opera Company. Mrs. Claypool: I don't understand... Driftwood: Don't you see? You'll be a patron of the opera. You'll get into society. And then you can marry me and they'll kick you out of society. And all you've lost is $200,000. 106K
		All of the routine above, in Real Audio.

Mrs. Claypool: Mr. Claypool went to his reward three years ago. Gottlieb (Siegfried Rumann): And left you all alone. Mrs. Claypool: All alone... Gottlieb: With eight million dollars... Mrs. Claypool: Eight million dollars. Driftwood: Listen, Gottlieb, you're just wasting your time. If Mrs. Claypool wants to marry a fortune hunter, she's always got me. And as a matter of fact, you can hardly call me a fortune hunter. Because when I first proposed to Mrs. Claypool, I thought she had only seven million. But the extra million has never interfered with my feelings for her.

Driftwood: Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Well, I made it! How soon does the curtain go up? Gottlieb: The curtain, Mr. Driftwood, will go up again next season. Mrs. Claypool: You've missed the entire opera. Driftwood: Well, I only missed it by a few minutes... 85K

Gottlieb believes that Mrs. Claypool should go out of her way to sign Lassparri (Walter W. King) to sing - even if it takes $1000 a night to do so. Driftwood, always one to get into the action, voices his opinion.

Marx Brothers Night at the Opera Treasury